The things that happened in the past, does not stop you from who you wanted to be.
Even if you recall something bad someone has done to you, do not allow it to stop you from who you are and wanted to be.
Celebrate on the days when you are happy in the past and never bring dwell in the unhappy moments.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Sunday, June 12, 2016
During my wedding eve, I was looking forward to the wedding and was in my couple pink night gown bought specially for the wedding night.
I was nervous and happy.
We were eating the tong yuan prepared by ah Mi and it was hard and big. It was hard to swallow. Ah pa almost choked on the tong yuan. Ah Mi and I giggled.
Then after awhile, there was a loud crash outside, we ran out and saw that the "Tian Gong" alter has shattered to the floor. It must the weight on the alter that give way.
I was devastated but I comforted everyone with a loud laugh. I jokingly said it must be God's sign to let us know the lucky number is 8322. Uncle Aun was trying to comfort everyone too as he picked up the altar and placed it on a temporary table.
Ahh, What a night! I did the flowers and told everyone to go to sleep first. When everyone was about to go to bed, I gestured Max to go to the kitchen with me.
I have a few more things to prepare for the gate crash. I was preparing for the wedding game preps with Max in the kitchen. It was about 3 am and it was about time to sleep but still we couldn't without finishing the work.
Then suddenly we heard a loud yell, a familiar man's voice. It was ah Pa's. He slammed the door really hard. He was trying to make a strong impression. We thought he was asleep. We had disturbed him in his sleep and he was upset.
I have not seen him so angry for a very very long time. It was not a beautiful sight.
Ah Mi rushed to our aid and shielded us from the front. Max was being defensive too. I could see ah Pa's eyes turning bloodshot red. He was yelling on top of his voice, " Didn't I told you to go to sleep already! What are you two still doing? Call off tomorrow's wedding"
From it all, we cannot separate the drunk from our dad. He must had a lil too much to drink that night but that is no excuse for him to react the way he reacted.
We left all our unfinished work and ran into the Master's bedroom, we locked ourselves in. Ah mi, Max, me. We heard more commotion outside, as though things were thrown on the floor, we heard from the room, glass shattering, it wasn't over.
Ah mi was in tears, I was too. Max was mumbling in soft whispers "He is going mad. I will give him a fight if I must"
After like what seems to be forever, we heard ah Pa's room door closed. It became silent.
We packed and sneaked out from the house. On the way out, I saw the table where the "Tian Gong" alter was flipped onto the garden. All things were overthrown onto the ground. What a mess it was!
Ah Mi called Uncle Kim, Auntie Cheng and Uncle Aun to checked on Ah Pa. To make sure, he was ok.
We drove to the mansion where CJ and family is staying for the night.
It was dark. Somehow, it was a relief to see him.
Although we weren't suppose to see each other by Chinese customs on the night before the wedding, all that just didn't mattered to me anymore.
I cried again. Ah Mi was not sleeping at all, she was trying to comfort me. Many things ran through my mind, how could he do this to me? My own father, on the eve of my wedding? I really couldn't find myself to forgive this man that night. I don't recognize him at all.
I had to cry myself to sleep. It was.... a .....loooong...... unforgettable.... night.....
Love, Jo.
I was nervous and happy.
We were eating the tong yuan prepared by ah Mi and it was hard and big. It was hard to swallow. Ah pa almost choked on the tong yuan. Ah Mi and I giggled.
Then after awhile, there was a loud crash outside, we ran out and saw that the "Tian Gong" alter has shattered to the floor. It must the weight on the alter that give way.
I was devastated but I comforted everyone with a loud laugh. I jokingly said it must be God's sign to let us know the lucky number is 8322. Uncle Aun was trying to comfort everyone too as he picked up the altar and placed it on a temporary table.
Ahh, What a night! I did the flowers and told everyone to go to sleep first. When everyone was about to go to bed, I gestured Max to go to the kitchen with me.
I have a few more things to prepare for the gate crash. I was preparing for the wedding game preps with Max in the kitchen. It was about 3 am and it was about time to sleep but still we couldn't without finishing the work.
Then suddenly we heard a loud yell, a familiar man's voice. It was ah Pa's. He slammed the door really hard. He was trying to make a strong impression. We thought he was asleep. We had disturbed him in his sleep and he was upset.
I have not seen him so angry for a very very long time. It was not a beautiful sight.
Ah Mi rushed to our aid and shielded us from the front. Max was being defensive too. I could see ah Pa's eyes turning bloodshot red. He was yelling on top of his voice, " Didn't I told you to go to sleep already! What are you two still doing? Call off tomorrow's wedding"
From it all, we cannot separate the drunk from our dad. He must had a lil too much to drink that night but that is no excuse for him to react the way he reacted.
We left all our unfinished work and ran into the Master's bedroom, we locked ourselves in. Ah mi, Max, me. We heard more commotion outside, as though things were thrown on the floor, we heard from the room, glass shattering, it wasn't over.
Ah mi was in tears, I was too. Max was mumbling in soft whispers "He is going mad. I will give him a fight if I must"
After like what seems to be forever, we heard ah Pa's room door closed. It became silent.
We packed and sneaked out from the house. On the way out, I saw the table where the "Tian Gong" alter was flipped onto the garden. All things were overthrown onto the ground. What a mess it was!
Ah Mi called Uncle Kim, Auntie Cheng and Uncle Aun to checked on Ah Pa. To make sure, he was ok.
We drove to the mansion where CJ and family is staying for the night.
It was dark. Somehow, it was a relief to see him.
Although we weren't suppose to see each other by Chinese customs on the night before the wedding, all that just didn't mattered to me anymore.
I cried again. Ah Mi was not sleeping at all, she was trying to comfort me. Many things ran through my mind, how could he do this to me? My own father, on the eve of my wedding? I really couldn't find myself to forgive this man that night. I don't recognize him at all.
I had to cry myself to sleep. It was.... a .....loooong...... unforgettable.... night.....
Love, Jo.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Hoping for a little miracle
Today.
Isn't it stressful to wish and hope for something yet it could not be easily achieved? Isn't it more stressful when others are making it seems so easy for them, so why not for me? I have been looking forward to a little miracle for awhile now, but my hopes is constantly shattered by a line on the blue & white plastic strip.
It has been months (I'd say close to 19 months?) since we tried for a baby. No signs, no news. If babies could just be ordered and delivered by white storks in big large sacks. I will order them by the dozens. Wouldn't that be nice... :)
I will continue to be a hopeful woman waiting for the chance to turn into a mother. Hopefully, soon...
Love, Jo.
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